A Caregiver’s Story….Mother’s Day

Growing up, my mom would sometimes cook scrambled eggs with bologna for breakfast. I loved the salty flavor of the fried bologna in my eggs.  I’d dip my fork into the egg, bring the mixture to my mouth, and get a burst of savory.  So good! I haven’t thought about that in a long time. And why the recollection today? Today, Mother’s Day, I made myself some scrambled eggs and ham. My breakfast jogged lose memories of those bologna and egg breakfasts.

With it being Mother’s Day, friends have contacted me to be sure I wasn’t writhing on the floor, in a mass of tears. They imagined me a broken mess. That isn’t the case. Today is another day, for I am learning what a new normal is. Life without mom. I can be happy. I can smile and I can laugh. I can plan and dream. Besides, mom wouldn’t want me to be in mourning forever. Knowing her, she’d probably be surprised that I have mourned at all. I am sure she thought I’d be dancing all the way to the funeral home. However, that’s another story. No, time has brought healing. As the saying goes, “Life goes on.”

My memories are becoming friendly, they aren’t as pain filled and heavy. I am enjoying my memories. Of course, I miss mom every day.  That goes without saying. (But I just did.) Yet, I can think about her without crying or being consumed in grief.

Marmar, know that I miss you, every day. I imagine you healthy and pain free. I would never drag you away from that, no matter how badly my heart aches.

Happy Mother’s Day, mom.

Love, Me

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